Wednesday, July 24, 2013

This doesn't happen in real life

I'm not sure, but my best guess is that me and 'my side' of the family is cursed.  Some kind of horrible generations wide curse that a sorceror put on us in the Medieval Ages.  My whole life situations have cropped up that you just don't think of.  I find myself in predicaments that I can relate only to prime time sit-coms.  I am not going to dredge up any from my high school days for obvious reasons but I'll give you one that happened just this past Monday (another birthday surprise for my hubby).

I was sitting at my desk, at work, doing my work thang.  You know typey-typey-type, clicky-clicky-click, print some stuff, file some stuff. (its really more in depth than that but that's all it looks like I'm doing)  It's a different desk as most of you know I'm in a different department now.  A few weeks ago I found a stress ball laying around in one of the drawers it was a cool looking squishy red one.  It looked like a thick balloon filled with some kind of liquid.  I had used it on and off and just the week before mentioned to a co-worker that it didn't really do anything because it felt kind of flimsy, like it might break.  He came over and (he's a giant baseball playing, hockey guy) squeezed this stress ball - he said, "There I squeezed it as hard as I can and if I can't break it, you can't break it."

To me that was sound reasoning, I mean no, I am not stronger than him so that equates to not being able to break the stress ball.  You see where this is going don't you?  I digress, said co-worker is on holidays this week, and I'm squishing the ball as I read over my reports for the morning.  When all of a sudden there is a loud POP!  And in the same instant I am covered in neon orange slippery liquid.  I sat stock still in shock. 

My co-workers heard the sound and called from their offices "hey is everything ok?"
No, no it is not...
They all came out and saw this:

Me, with orange goo splattered on my face, caked in my hair, soaking my blouse and skirt, seeping into my desk chair, covering my computer monitor, keyboard, mouse, floor, desk surface.  You name it, it has orange goo on it.  I immediately unplugged my keyboard and rushed it to the bathroom to lay it upside down over the sink, while co-workers A and T sopped up the gooey mess with paper towels, I washed my face in the bathroom and came out to help.  They gently suggested I go home and shower and change my clothes before the neon goop could set into a stain.  Also whatever they put in those stress balls is very obviously pure chemical because the smell of it is grotesque.  The only thing I could think of is it smelled like melting plastic. 

I followed said advice, and quickly went home threw my clothes in the washing machine, hopped in the shower, scrubbed until my first layer of skin was gone and hopped out.  Quickly got re-dressed and made myself look presentable and hurried to the car to go back to work - only - the car didn't start.


This was getting ridiculous. My car is one of those WON-derful cars who occasionally decides you MIGHT be a theif so just in case it makes you wait 15 minutes to be able to start your car.  Well I'm sure it works because I certainly won't wait around for 15 minutes so my best guess is that a theif won't either.  I took C's bike and cycled back to work.  The rest of the day was without incident - I sort of wish I had a picture of me all shocked and covered in goo but then I come to my senses and realize that I don't wish that at all.




Tuesday, July 23, 2013


The hubby's birthday was yesterday and in honour of that we had a really fun weekend.  We spent Wa-AY too much money, he got a get-out-of-jail-free card similar to the one in Monopoly (that he has already used) and just generally had a good time and didn't worry too much about anything. 
Being that we had an all weekend celebration, yesterday, his actual birth-day I forgot.  Yep. Plum forgot. We woke up and went through our normal routine when we were both sitting down at the table eating our eggs - I chatted about that evenings plans and how I needed him to make supper yadda yadda.  He threw out some hints - he even said 'I think I'm going to delete my facebook!' me 'Why?' him 'I just have SO many messages today'  me 'why? from who?'  A fail of epic proportions.  He had no sooner left the house and was all the way down the street when it clicked. 

BIRTHDAY, awh shit. I quickly called him and he answered laughing.  It's good that he knows me well enough to know I don't mean to forget. 

He is a great man, the best father and my best friend.  I could go on and on but I'm already tearing up.  Check out this poem I wrote for the Hubby awhile ago.  It sums us up pretty good.



Monday, July 22, 2013

Monday, Monday.

Feeling gloomy? 

Check out this dog with a mustache.

Yep that's Bauer and every time he drinks water he gets this mustache and I crack up - every time. 

Happy Monday! 



Friday, July 19, 2013

A Tribute

*this post has a sad tone and is very personal I won't blame you one bit if you go read a funny one*** =)  Not my usual for a Friday but its something I need to get out. 

This is a tribute to a dear friend and mentor who was lost to the world a little over 6 years ago.  His untimely fate was the start of a season of loss in which the Hubby and I leaned on each other and became the kind of friends that can endure most anything.  It is hard to believe that so much time has passed but I will never forget the 4 friends we lost that year.  May they Rest In Peace.

The poplars sway
And the clouds rush in
An acoustic guitar
Plays clear above the din

A sweet voice
And a bubbling melody
I close my eyes
And let it carry me

I often hear the whisper
Of little leaves on wind
Everytime I think of you
It brings me back again

Your fate taught lessons
No one ought to have to learn
There are things worse than death,
A tombstone or an urn

I learned them as best I could
And leaned on friends to cry
I kept the faith until you came
To whisper 'its ok to say good-bye'

There wasn't any funeral
Or ceremony to attend
Only the thought that not giving up
Would bring you back again

I know you're watching over us
My family and I
From paradise up above
There is no need to cry

In life you were always there for me
I loved you like a brother
Now you are forever free
I remember you like none other



Thursday, July 18, 2013

Crying Wolf

Paige has never been one to go with the flow.  She creates her own flow and expects everyone to follow her.  It doesn't surprise me when she's difficult or changes her mind frequently.  I admire the fact that she can make friends so easily and gets along with everyone while maintaining her own personality.  It does surprise me when she decides to put on a different persona in public and makes me look like a crazy person - or in this specific case, a child abductor. 

I had plans to attend a volunteer orientation for our local humane society and Hubby had a fire thing up the same night so Grama and Papa had said they would take P for us while we went about our business.  I decided to do the whole two birds/one stone thing and walk Paige and Bauer over to G&P's.  Bauer needed the exercise anyway and it really is not that far. 

Our street does not have sidewalks which suits me just fine tax wise - but that means I always want Paige to hold my hand and Paige thinks that I'm being over bearing because she's like two YEARS old already and can Do. Everything. Herself.  On our quiet side street I usually just let her walk but insist she stay right next to the curb so that I'm walking between her and the actual road. 

We do however, have to cross a highway to get to G&Ps and this is where I draw the line. Paige MUST hold my hand crossing the highway.  It is a crosswalk but without lights and people are notorious for whipping right through without even looking.  

We walked up to the crosswalk.  I grabbed Paige's hand - she immediately started struggling and fighting me.  {I'm also carrying a baggie full of steamy dog turd at this point}  I resist and walk holding her arm while she cries, screams and tries desperately to throw herself onto the highway, going so far as to lift her legs so that I look like I'm holding her up by her arm.  I can see the looks on the motorists faces as we take 10 minutes to cross. The judgment and head shaking. 

'Bad mother!' I see their gazes scold. 
Oh well what do I care what Susie Minivan thinks of me.  Then as we are half way across the road Paige looks out at the cars on either side and screams "HELP ME!" 

I'm expecting an unannounced visit from CFS in the next 2 - 5 days. 

Teens out there currently being embarrassed by your moms using current slang incorrectly, reminding you about personal hygene in front of your friends etc.- know this: YOU started it.  Any embarrasment your parents bring upon you is well deserved I assure you.



Parents can be embarrassing at any age as displayed by a very tiny Paige...

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Fair time in this small town

Another year of the fair has come and gone.  A marker that summer is indeed here and in fact almost half over.  The fair means something different to everyone - but it is always a success.  In my younger days it was a three day event that one of my besties always hosted.  It was BBQing with good friends some old and some new (that girl is a magnet for cool people), loud music, the fair and sometimes even a 2 am bacon making festival.  It was a weekend where you didn't know what was going to happen but you knew you were going to have a great time.

Now that I'm married and have a child the fair is different - it's still fun but in a different way.  Take this weekend on Friday my bestie S came out from Winnipeg and she, Chad and I took Paige {and Bauer} to the fair.  Paige went on rides and watched Daddy play games and win her prizes.  We walked around and saw all there was to see.  We capped it off with a visit to Syl's for ice cream and called it a night.  Getting home after 10 it was a quick bath and bedtime for Paige.  Saturday night Paige was with her Nana and Papa so Mom and Dad could go out and have a little fun that was not G rated.  Huzzah!  And fun we did have - all in moderation {mostly}

Anyway - like always the fair was a lot of work (Chad and I both put in volunteer hours) but also a lot of fun.  I wish I had some pictures of Chad in gear working at the demo pits but don't  :( boo!

Ah well - here's a couple pictures that I did manage to snap:

Most deadpan expression award goes to...
You can't tell but she loved it! Rode this ride 3 times! 

Can't forget about Syl's! 
Aaaand finally the bribed smile ;) 



Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Bauer 1 : Tami 0

When people think of puppies they tend to think of cute, wriggling, fluffy little things.  All sweet and licking you with that puppy breath smell - right?

You probably don't think of being humiliated in front of neighbours you've only just met. 

Well why, oh why would you think of that?  How could a puppy humiliate you in front of your neighbours?  How can a puppy humiliate you at all?  They're so. darn. cute.

Puppies are cute for the same reasons babies are cute - rage control.

It was a Sunday morning, well er- mid morning to afternoon, and the puppy needed to go out.  Chad and I had been working in the house all morning so I was still in my pajamas - because when you're painting and getting all grubby anyway, why change your clothes? The puppy needed to go outside to pee.  Okay lets go.  So I go outside kid, puppy and me in my Pj's.(<- mistake #1)  But whatever, right?  I mean its only for a couple of minutes while the puppy does his business.  I look around and there's a couple piles for me to pick up.  I'll just run inside for one second and grab a plastic bag. (<- mistake #2)  I run inside grab a plastic bag from under the sink and run back outside.  The dog is gone.  Uh-oh.  Bauuer, Baaaauer (sugary sweet syrup voice) Ohhhhh Bauuuer where are you babbbby?

In the neighbours yard.  Oh I guess he knows he can duck under the fence.  Dang.  I run over to the fence- commmme heeeeere Bauuuuer! Look what do I have commmmme hhhherrrreeee (desperation seeping into my voice)  But I'm too late.  He is taking a dump under our neighbours trampoline. 

Now what?!?

Do I go to their front door - in my pajamas? crap.  Here's where 3 scenarios play out in my head - they are in order from most to least dignifying.

1. I manage to snafoo the dog put him in the house, change into actual decent clothing and go knock on their front door, then explain how sorry I am but that my dog slipped under the fence and could I go clean up the 'surprise' he left during his visit?  We share a laugh and they say go ahead, what a cute puppy you have! I smile warmly and thank them for their patience.

2. I sneak (actual term is probably break and enter) into their backyard when their vehicles leave and clean up the poo. Nobody is any the wiser.  This scenario involves them not noticing the dog or the poo and also hoping they don't have like security cameras and junk.

3.  Here is what actually happened:  I stood awkwardly at their back gate (in my pajamas) holding a plastic bag when the mom of the family noticed me and came to their patio door, opened it and said "...Hello..?" to which I replied "Hi, my dog ducked under the fence and has left a 'surprise' under your trampoline - could I please clean it up?"  Neighbour lady, " .. Sure... You have two dogs ?! " with a look that made me feel like an animal hoarder.  "yep, sure do. I replied" It wasn't enough that he had to poo under the trampoline but like in the middle.  So I had to crawl on my hands and knees pick up the poo and crawl back out.  I picked up my dog and my plastic bag and exited back to my yard.  Oh and did I mention she was wearing a gorgeous summer dress, hair done, oh yeah and they had company over at the time. 

When Chad and I made our list of pro's and con's to getting a puppy - this one DEFINITELY wasn't on there.   Any good ideas on how to convince my neighbours that they don't need to move we aren't weirdo's?  Anything I've thought of would only remind them that I'm the girl who crawled under your trampoline to pick up poop. 

Sigh.  Good thing he's cute.  (that frickin' dog better save my life one day he OWES me now)  



Friday, July 5, 2013

A Paige post

Something we all know, or are at the very least aware of the fact that its a common sentiment.  Kids grow up too quickly! 

Paige falls into that category.  She corrects me when I call her 'baby', actually she corrects me even when I'm not calling her anything.  She is sassy by nature but also seems to enjoy it.  Examples:

me: come here, baby, let's get dressed!
paige: I not a baby! I'm RUNNING AWAY *giggles*

me: paige, 5 more minutes then its bed time kaypasa?
*paige hears** 5 more minutes until bed (which is the WOooooRRST).  Okay, Pasa?
me: well that's nice but bedtime it will be in 5 minutes now you're wasting them being upset.
paige: (pointing a finger at me sternly) I no LIKE that!

me: paige, eat your food.
paige: its not food, its supper!
me: Ok, eat your supper.
paige: nooo its FoooooD not supper!

I often say to her, no way jose! (pronounced HO-say) when she wants to do something she shouldn't.  Paige thought this sounded fun to say - and lets face it, it is - so she tried but it came out 'no way josie' (Joe-sie) and then after a few weeks at it no way hosie (Hose-y) It's cute and funny to watch her learn a phrase that she thinks is neat.  The only thing funnier?  And I may not have 100% of people with me on this but when I say its bedtime and she's super-ridiculous tired instead of just crying 'NO' she cries 'NO WAY JOSE' and it makes me crack up every. single. time. which makes her more mad.

But one of the funniest things I've ever seen her do - and I totally should NOT have laughed but I couldn't help it- happened shortly after we moved.  (background info - when she is purposefully ignoring me or throwing a tantrum I often say, 'Paige, you're not listening to me and until you are I'm going to go over there' and let her have her fit.  The hubby and I were sitting on the couch after a long day and Paige came up to him and with her back turned to me said "You're not listening to me! HUMPH" and clapped her lips together.  She dileberately mocked me in front of me to Chad.  He looked at me and we both just bust a gut laughing.  Which, of course, made her do it over and over again - and we continued to laugh.

So there you have some Friday Paige-isms.  There are plenty more and I'm sure, plenty more on the way.

Have a great weekend!