This morning I was standing in front of my closet.

Trying to find something that A) looks good and B) fits.

Not easy. I have 2 dresses that are work appropriate but I wore a dress yesterday. I have a skirt with lots of tops I can wear with it but my tights got all muddy yesterday and I only have 1 pair of those... Then I got looking at my pants most of them are too big. I have one pair that work ok because they are comfort fit so they are just loose but high rise so nobody can {really} tell. Then I saw a pair of pants I bought a long time ago. Black dress pants I bought without trying them on and when I got home they didn't even come close to fitting - like half way up my thighs cry fest. The size on them is a 12 but I've found that sizing on clothes is all but irrelevant. {thank you department stores and clothing industry} Measuring yourself in inches is what counts. I had tried them on a little while after starting ww and I could physically wear them but they were too tight and uncomfortable not to mention the unreal muffin top they gave me. Today they were staring at me and my mind went to a comment left on my blog yesterday. It said that I would thank myself for making good choices and see the rewards of today tomorrow. Well I thought it is tomorrow.

I pulled them off their hanger and slid my feet in.
Pulled them a little higher...
and higher...
the waist was where it should be...
they buttoned...

With ease!
They FIT!
Comfortably!

Hmm I mused they're even a tad bit loose in the waist. Ohhh emmm geee!! My inner teenage girl voice screeched! No muffin top! Pair that with a black tank top and a plum flowy satiny shirt and I was looking like the 'skinny girls' I have for so long envied. I'm still 20 lbs away from goal but that means I'm half way there and man oh man does half way feel great!

************

Today was weigh in Wednesday and I was successful! Another 3 lbs gone and never to be seen again!  I posted a picture on instagram last night (follow me if you like Tamarapaige18) because those pants just felt so. damn. good.  I've been off the exercise wagon since winter made an ugly reappearance but last night I bit the bullet and jumped back on!  I was supposed to go for a run... but hubby's meeting ran late and it looked awfully cold and dreary outside plus I love running - I don't love running alone.  I need a dog to run with... so if anyone knows anyone who needs a big (friendly) dog exercised - CALL ME UP! Diva is possibly the laziest animal alive and also a 8 lb white poof running beside me isn't very intimidating.. anyhoo.  Instead of saying aw dang can't exercise tonight! I said okay put on your big girl panties and put in a DVD.  So I did Jillian Michael's 6 week 6 pack.  You know what?

It felt great!  Boy do I love exercise endorphins.  I didn't even realize how much I missed them until I got them back last night!  Goal for April: Exercise 20 out of the 30 days.  May 1st you can expect a blog post about it detailing what I did and when I did it.  The only block I'm hitting is when I tell people that yes I feel great and I've lost 20 lbs but I have another 20 I'd like to ditch in a far away field somwhere and they say Oh no you don't need to lost another 20.  I know.  According to BMI charts I am 9 lbs away from being a healthy, normal weight.  Which is great! Don't get me wrong but I've been chubby for awhile now and there's a number I want to see on that scale.  Even if I can't maintain it - that'll be ok with me but for my own sanity - I think I need to see it if only to know that I CAN do it.  I also know these people are my dear friends and family and they're looking out for me and I appreciate it BIG TIME.  I'm a lucky girl to have so many people that care about me.  So my response to that is to thank them and say we will just have to see.  A good friend stopped by to see me the other day and she is someone who has struggled with self image too and she got it.  She knows that feeling of wanting to see a specific number so bad it can swallow you up.  It's important to not let it get that far but if it's a healthy goal - and mine is - it's ok to reach for it. 

So my friends - we will see.  I hope that one day soon (before June!) I can post a picture of myself standing on the scale and seeing that magic number because that is going to be a good day.

xoxo

~t