Friday, December 28, 2012

A little of this and a little of that

Good Morning!

As pointed out by a friend and co-worker I have not blogged since December 12 2012.  There is a reason, many reasons, but the big one being that I just haven't been able to bring myself to blog without crying.  This may sounds silly but its the honest truth.  I recently stumbled onto (through facebook feeds and a commenter on a picture that I was intrigued by the name of (it sounded like a group) Kai's fight club I used to practise Jui Jitsu and so I followed it to a facebook page which led me to a blog which I read the most recent post of)  It was not a martial arts blog.  It was the blog of a mother who was carrying on after losing her son, Kai to an inoperable brain tumor.  Once I started reading her words pulled me in and I couldnt stop I read their whole story from blog start to the most recent post. It was heart breaking and sad but while reading I learned a lot in a very short span of time.  I learned that anything can happen.  I guess I already knew this but it's something you don't think of all the time - nothing is guaranteed.  I celebrated with her as she wrote about happy times and her over flowing love for her son and I cried as I read about his decent into the disease and how he eventually had to stop fighting and succumb to it.  It was hard but I gained a new appreciation for my little miracle and maybe a new perspective on life.  Live life now to the best of your ability because nobody is guaranteed a tomorrow.

After I had recovered a little bit from reading that blog there was another emotional rollercoaster to ride.  The horrible unspeakable tradgedy in Sandy Hook.  I think it may be the first time I have sobbed from a news boadcast.  All of those families whose babies were taken and all of those familes whose babies had their innocence stolen away from them.  Chad being a firefighter doesn't help because I can see the tradgedy from two perspectives a parent and a spouse of a first responder.  All of those police officers, fire fighters, paramedics and crime team had to go home after that.  They all had to process what they saw and had to deal with too.  I don't have any words to describe how I felt in the wake of it.  Heart broken, and sick for all those people isn't a strong enough statement but I don't think there is a stong enough statement in the world.  I agree with those who have said lets remember the victims.  Let's make their names household names instead of the evil doer. Lets have these precious angels inspire us to do better and make this world a better place in any way we can.  Lets honor them by filling the world with positivity and happiness.  Hug your babies, love one another and pass good deeds on and on. 

We have also been in the middle of Christmas chaos.  With gifts to buy and wrap, cards to thank people for (because my crafty diy cards didn't exactly make it to the finish line), food to eat, family to hug, places to drive to and everything else that is wonderful and magical and crazy about Christmas needed to happen.  It was a great Christmas with Paige really getting into it.  A little sad as it was the first Christmas without Chad's Papa there.  The song 'Christmas must be special in heaven' sprung to mind more than a few times this holiday season for many reasons.  Chad's grandma did really well and we enjoyed celebrating with her.  Paige seems to have a good cheering effect on most people, as do all little ones I think.  She was the designated Santa at all of our gatherings and did so well! No tantrums and very few tears! She must love Christmas as much as her old mom does!  I will fill up the next post with pictures of the festivites and get my blogging groove back.  It was just hard to write at all after all of that.  I do apologize as this is a heavy post but I will get those pictures up and that's bound to have you smiling!



Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Let it snow...

I love to look outside and see everything covered in a thick blanket of pure white with just the moon (or streelights if its not a full moon) bouncing up off it. That is what I woke up to this morning and I know that it makes for crappy driving conditions and it costs time and money to clear but I don't care! I love it! It makes me feel so cozy inside my little home.  It's days like this that I have to squish down the ugly feelings of resentment and guilt and pity for myself and hopefully one day I'll squish them right out. Because on mornings like this?  I want nothing more than to cuddle with my girlie for as long as she wants and eat a big homemade breakfast at a leisurely pace and then play in the snow until she doesnt want to anymore.  I want to cook her lunch and play with her.  I want to curl up in our big chair by the window under a blanket and read her stories as we watch the snow fall.  I want to cuddle her to sleep and share a nap with her.  I want to have fresh baked cookies ready for her when she wakes up from her afternoon snooze and I want to have time for her to 'help' me prepare supper.  I want a leisurely evening with no time lines and no rush.  My wants grow and grow and I have to remember to be thankful for what I have.  I have good, caring people looking after her for me.  I have a good job that I love doing and that helps provide for us.  But sometimes when the right (or wrong I suppose) mood strikes I just resent everyone that has what I want, I feel guilt that I didn't choose it, and I feel pity for myself for missing out on every amazing, hilarious thing she has done and said all day, every week day.  So today I will do my best to stamp those ugly feelings out and when I pick her up from day care I will do my best to make the evening part of my dream day a reality and I guess right now that's all I can do.  Any other moms ever get like this?  I guess the grass is always greener right? or in the case the snow whiter and fluffier?



This is us last Saturday after I got home from work! She loves to play outside!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Delays, delays nothing but delays!

(Today's title is a quote courtesy of 'The Bugs Bunny and Tweety Show!' and if you are a child from my era you just heard the announcer guy's voice say the title because it was only like - the best show ever.  It's from the episode featuring this:)

I'm baaaaack! I am sorry about my sudden leave - our house was hit with the flu.  Hit in the place where it takes the longest to recover - mommy.  I don't get the flu very often but apparently when I do I like to make an event of it.  I was down and out for 3 days lost 5 pounds and have never been so exhausted and cold and then hot and then cold again and then ooooo RUN upstairs. You get the idea.  BUT ANYWAY - I'm back now! I've been instagramming my daily photos (for the photo a day challange) and will post them here in a picture-rific blog post!

I've had so many blog posts float through my head since I got sick.  Lots of them were probably crazy, fever induced and non sensical but I suppose that is why those posts don't make it up here.  My current musing is Christmas.  I love everything about it however this year we just don't have any space to put up a Christmas tree and I've had lots of ideas of other ways to decorate for Christmas but like the crazy fever posts it just isnt happening.  In a perfect world once I had an idea I would follow through and complete the craft or project and it would look just the way it did in my head (or cough on pinterest cough) but that (never) doesnt always seem to happen for me.  I'm determined that THIS year will be different! This year has already been different that most in so many ways I want to continue to change for the better! Never stop striving for ... well I just pulled a big ol' blank I don't exactly know what I'm striving for.  Not perfection - I may be exuberant but I'm not crazy there's no such thing as perfection.  I guess I'm striving for being a better me than I was yesterday.  Hm that seems anti climactic.  I guess that's life! Haha one big anti climactic novel unravelling itself as we live. 

Stay tuned! I'm going to use you guys to keep me accountable.  It worked for the junk food (mostly) maybe it can work for this too! I'll post a before and an after picture of my Christmas decorating. (and baking! Ah! What am I signing up for?!) Oh yeah theres that too, another dissappointing side effect of being sick was I missed out on my cookie swap party! I was Sooooo very dissapointed! (and also now I have no Christmas baking whatsoever)

Okay crazy meandering post over.  I promise tomorrow's will have some structure!

Happy Tuesday!



Sunday, December 2, 2012

Photo a day

Hello all! My junk food challenge is almost up 5 more days (not that I'm counting down the moments or anything... ) and it's been good for a number of reasons - but that's for another post! Just today I stumbled on a December challenge from another blogger that looks like oodles o fun! So please feel free to join me via blog, Facebook, Instagram or just on your camera for you to enjoy! Check out the picture for how to participate! Photo is a screenshot from!

Dec 1 - my view today while I took my dog for a walk in the park

Dec 2 - my favourite Christmas movie! Call me cheesy but I've always loved Beauty and the Beast and this movie definitely gets me in the holiday spirit!