Friday, December 28, 2012

A little of this and a little of that

Good Morning!

As pointed out by a friend and co-worker I have not blogged since December 12 2012.  There is a reason, many reasons, but the big one being that I just haven't been able to bring myself to blog without crying.  This may sounds silly but its the honest truth.  I recently stumbled onto (through facebook feeds and a commenter on a picture that I was intrigued by the name of (it sounded like a group) Kai's fight club I used to practise Jui Jitsu and so I followed it to a facebook page which led me to a blog which I read the most recent post of)  It was not a martial arts blog.  It was the blog of a mother who was carrying on after losing her son, Kai to an inoperable brain tumor.  Once I started reading her words pulled me in and I couldnt stop I read their whole story from blog start to the most recent post. It was heart breaking and sad but while reading I learned a lot in a very short span of time.  I learned that anything can happen.  I guess I already knew this but it's something you don't think of all the time - nothing is guaranteed.  I celebrated with her as she wrote about happy times and her over flowing love for her son and I cried as I read about his decent into the disease and how he eventually had to stop fighting and succumb to it.  It was hard but I gained a new appreciation for my little miracle and maybe a new perspective on life.  Live life now to the best of your ability because nobody is guaranteed a tomorrow.

After I had recovered a little bit from reading that blog there was another emotional rollercoaster to ride.  The horrible unspeakable tradgedy in Sandy Hook.  I think it may be the first time I have sobbed from a news boadcast.  All of those families whose babies were taken and all of those familes whose babies had their innocence stolen away from them.  Chad being a firefighter doesn't help because I can see the tradgedy from two perspectives a parent and a spouse of a first responder.  All of those police officers, fire fighters, paramedics and crime team had to go home after that.  They all had to process what they saw and had to deal with too.  I don't have any words to describe how I felt in the wake of it.  Heart broken, and sick for all those people isn't a strong enough statement but I don't think there is a stong enough statement in the world.  I agree with those who have said lets remember the victims.  Let's make their names household names instead of the evil doer. Lets have these precious angels inspire us to do better and make this world a better place in any way we can.  Lets honor them by filling the world with positivity and happiness.  Hug your babies, love one another and pass good deeds on and on. 

We have also been in the middle of Christmas chaos.  With gifts to buy and wrap, cards to thank people for (because my crafty diy cards didn't exactly make it to the finish line), food to eat, family to hug, places to drive to and everything else that is wonderful and magical and crazy about Christmas needed to happen.  It was a great Christmas with Paige really getting into it.  A little sad as it was the first Christmas without Chad's Papa there.  The song 'Christmas must be special in heaven' sprung to mind more than a few times this holiday season for many reasons.  Chad's grandma did really well and we enjoyed celebrating with her.  Paige seems to have a good cheering effect on most people, as do all little ones I think.  She was the designated Santa at all of our gatherings and did so well! No tantrums and very few tears! She must love Christmas as much as her old mom does!  I will fill up the next post with pictures of the festivites and get my blogging groove back.  It was just hard to write at all after all of that.  I do apologize as this is a heavy post but I will get those pictures up and that's bound to have you smiling!



Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Let it snow...

I love to look outside and see everything covered in a thick blanket of pure white with just the moon (or streelights if its not a full moon) bouncing up off it. That is what I woke up to this morning and I know that it makes for crappy driving conditions and it costs time and money to clear but I don't care! I love it! It makes me feel so cozy inside my little home.  It's days like this that I have to squish down the ugly feelings of resentment and guilt and pity for myself and hopefully one day I'll squish them right out. Because on mornings like this?  I want nothing more than to cuddle with my girlie for as long as she wants and eat a big homemade breakfast at a leisurely pace and then play in the snow until she doesnt want to anymore.  I want to cook her lunch and play with her.  I want to curl up in our big chair by the window under a blanket and read her stories as we watch the snow fall.  I want to cuddle her to sleep and share a nap with her.  I want to have fresh baked cookies ready for her when she wakes up from her afternoon snooze and I want to have time for her to 'help' me prepare supper.  I want a leisurely evening with no time lines and no rush.  My wants grow and grow and I have to remember to be thankful for what I have.  I have good, caring people looking after her for me.  I have a good job that I love doing and that helps provide for us.  But sometimes when the right (or wrong I suppose) mood strikes I just resent everyone that has what I want, I feel guilt that I didn't choose it, and I feel pity for myself for missing out on every amazing, hilarious thing she has done and said all day, every week day.  So today I will do my best to stamp those ugly feelings out and when I pick her up from day care I will do my best to make the evening part of my dream day a reality and I guess right now that's all I can do.  Any other moms ever get like this?  I guess the grass is always greener right? or in the case the snow whiter and fluffier?



This is us last Saturday after I got home from work! She loves to play outside!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Delays, delays nothing but delays!

(Today's title is a quote courtesy of 'The Bugs Bunny and Tweety Show!' and if you are a child from my era you just heard the announcer guy's voice say the title because it was only like - the best show ever.  It's from the episode featuring this:)

I'm baaaaack! I am sorry about my sudden leave - our house was hit with the flu.  Hit in the place where it takes the longest to recover - mommy.  I don't get the flu very often but apparently when I do I like to make an event of it.  I was down and out for 3 days lost 5 pounds and have never been so exhausted and cold and then hot and then cold again and then ooooo RUN upstairs. You get the idea.  BUT ANYWAY - I'm back now! I've been instagramming my daily photos (for the photo a day challange) and will post them here in a picture-rific blog post!

I've had so many blog posts float through my head since I got sick.  Lots of them were probably crazy, fever induced and non sensical but I suppose that is why those posts don't make it up here.  My current musing is Christmas.  I love everything about it however this year we just don't have any space to put up a Christmas tree and I've had lots of ideas of other ways to decorate for Christmas but like the crazy fever posts it just isnt happening.  In a perfect world once I had an idea I would follow through and complete the craft or project and it would look just the way it did in my head (or cough on pinterest cough) but that (never) doesnt always seem to happen for me.  I'm determined that THIS year will be different! This year has already been different that most in so many ways I want to continue to change for the better! Never stop striving for ... well I just pulled a big ol' blank I don't exactly know what I'm striving for.  Not perfection - I may be exuberant but I'm not crazy there's no such thing as perfection.  I guess I'm striving for being a better me than I was yesterday.  Hm that seems anti climactic.  I guess that's life! Haha one big anti climactic novel unravelling itself as we live. 

Stay tuned! I'm going to use you guys to keep me accountable.  It worked for the junk food (mostly) maybe it can work for this too! I'll post a before and an after picture of my Christmas decorating. (and baking! Ah! What am I signing up for?!) Oh yeah theres that too, another dissappointing side effect of being sick was I missed out on my cookie swap party! I was Sooooo very dissapointed! (and also now I have no Christmas baking whatsoever)

Okay crazy meandering post over.  I promise tomorrow's will have some structure!

Happy Tuesday!



Sunday, December 2, 2012

Photo a day

Hello all! My junk food challenge is almost up 5 more days (not that I'm counting down the moments or anything... ) and it's been good for a number of reasons - but that's for another post! Just today I stumbled on a December challenge from another blogger that looks like oodles o fun! So please feel free to join me via blog, Facebook, Instagram or just on your camera for you to enjoy! Check out the picture for how to participate! Photo is a screenshot from!

Dec 1 - my view today while I took my dog for a walk in the park

Dec 2 - my favourite Christmas movie! Call me cheesy but I've always loved Beauty and the Beast and this movie definitely gets me in the holiday spirit!

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Day 23

Back to my 30 days of no chocolate, candy, chips, pop or ice cream.  There may have been a couple more things on there initially but wow is this a lot harder than I thought it was going to be!  That might sound silly - like really  how hard can it be to not have those things for 30 days. DAYS not months.  I may have relapsed once or twice - gummy bears in my house are not  good for this challange! - but I have steered clear of the other three things entirely.  No small feat considering the holidays are just around the corner and well, this crap is EVERYWHERE!  It's at the grocery store in big shiny displays that call to me!  It's in the staff room, it's in my kitchen - it seems I can't get away from being around it.  Let me tell you it is harder to not eat it when its staring at you.  In a perfect world I could just never look at it.  That would be much easier if it's not there you can't have it - but unfortunately that is not real life.  I am not willing to waste just because I am weak willed in this particular area.  The only way to get some Willpower Of Steel (said in a big booming voice) is to be around this stuff and make the decision to not have it.

The other issue is that I have a jam packed daily schedule - to fit in 30 to 60 minutes of exercise feels impossible.  I know in my rational 'you can do this!' brain that it is not but it soooooo feels that way when its 10:30 and I just. want. to. sleep. or just want to have some time to not have to do anything.  Here's my day in a nutshell.
6:00 alarm - hit snooze
6:30 alarm - Chad and I get up
6:45 Chad leaves for work (being a guy must be awesome)
6:30 - 7 brush teeth, let dog out, feed/water dog & cat, scoop kitty litter, curl up into a ball on the couch and shiver. (why are mornings impossibly cold?!?)
7:00 - 7:30 SHOULD be reserved for me getting ready for work but often I'll forget (or just not do it) to make Paige and Chad's lunch for the next day so I'll squeeze that into my get ready time.  The definition of get ready consists of shower, dress, make up, hair (ha! yeah right), get paige out of bed (ha!)
7:30 - 8:00 get Paige dressed, take her to the potty approximately 12 times (don't get me wrong I'm eternally grateful that she was so easy to train but for real she has a TINY blatter and loves sitting on the potty - for everrr), convince Paige to eat breakfast, brush her teeth, let me wash her face and do her hair without too much of a struggle.
8:00 - 8:15 Get Paige into her outside stuff (parka, mitts, toque, boots etc) and into the car and to day care and settled.
I must be at work at my desk by 8:30... shove any interruptions in there such as Paige not fully co-operating (a toddler? no! never!), dropping stuff, spilling stuff, getting something on my work clothes and me having to change.  Plus insert stuff like changing loads of laundry, dishes, sweeping (depending on the morning) prepping supper and you run out of time for things and/or are late for work (I hate being late! I feel so guilty and usually take however many minutes I was late off of a coffee break or my lunch hour.  My awake self says well why can't you just wake up earlier? The answer is simple because often I am only going to bed between 11 pm and any time after that depending on how much is left to do or if I've been lazy and sat down for part of the evening. Lunch hours are often used for things like getting groceries, running errands, starting supper in the slow cooker etc.  and by the time I pick Paige up from day care its 5:30 and this is typical:
5:30 -6:30 arrive home, start supper (unless its been in the slow cooker) then make whatever sides with a screaming toddler attached to me.  For some reason she hates it when I'm in the kitchen no matter what I do before or how much she's seen me that day she almost always screams and throws a fit.  Some days I handle it better than others but that's life.
6:30 - 7:30 Eat supper/convince Paige to do the same, Clean up the inevitable mess of Paige feeding herself (and throwing plenty to the beggars under her chair).
7:30 - 8:30 Clean up the kitchen, play time with Paige, T.V. time, family time, shuffle the toys on the floor around and tidy up only to have it un-done behind me.
8:30 - 9:00 Bathe Paige, stories, bedtime.

Then I'll go back downstairs to clean up whatever got missed or is un-done, sit on the couch and go brain dead - because sometimes I just need to not think.  After going non-stop for 12 hours I'm just spent.  I know in my head that exercising either before or after this madness would likely help my energy level but its so hard to get on that track to begin with.  I find I'm just so zonked.  Help a sister out! Where do you find time for exercise? I believe it's an important part of life and I want Paige to value how important it is. 

I think I need an alarm without a snooze button!



Monday, November 26, 2012

Seeing Sunshine

When it rains it pours but sometimes if you try hard enough you can see the *sunshine* through the rain.

Currently we are having a mouse problem.  My beloved cat 'kitten' died about 2 months ago.  She snuck out and was hit and killed on the road.  Our neighbours were kind enough to pick her up off the road so that people would stop running over her little body and let us know.  I'll take this moment to say no matter how much small town drama there is I still would not want to live any other place.  I love my small town. 

I'd had that cat since I was about 12 and we found her as a stray in the garage at easter time.  I stomped my feet and made a fuss when Dad said no and then snuck her into my room.  She was mine from then on.  She was part siamese and she picked me as her 'person'.  This cat was crazy and amazing she was like a dog in alot of ways.  She would be waiting for me at the end of our lane after school and I would pick her up.  She would crawl up and curl herself around my neck like a scarf.  I took her with me when I moved away from home and we've never had a problem with any kind of varmint.  She was a spoiled house cat but definitely did her 'catly' duty in protecting us from disgusting critters.  After she died we considered getting a cat but decided against it that we didn't need another pet.  (We also have a maltese X.) I missed her terribly but was comforted that she had lived a good, long, (13 year) life and her death had been quick and painless.  When I found the first clue that we had a problem I immediately kicked myself! Of course!  It was fall it has been a very mild november and of course mice happen when you live in an old house with NO CAT!  I told my hubs about it and he said "well it looks like we might need to get a cat."  I set traps and the bugger licked them clean without setting them off. !?!?!?! Momma was not a happy camper.  I have been bleaching my whole kitchen before and after every use. (My hands are red and raw from all the cleaning.) I am so thouroughly grossed out by it all!
How people keep these disgusting little creatures as pets I'll never know!

*sunshine* My parents gave us one of their barn cats who is all too happy to be a housecat and we are happy because she is already fixed and has her shots!

In the midst of all the cleaning and checking and re-checking my hubby is STILL sick and very exhausted from being so sick and so tired all the time! I feel for him but I too, am exhausted.  Paige is coughing and not sleeping properly usually just as my coughing is subsiding and I am falling asleep she wakes up.

*sunshine* This simaltaneous being awake in dark hours of the day/night has resulted in a few extra cuddles from my girl!

This past weekend my dear and most excellent friend C came to town for a visit with me and Paigekins.  I dragged her along with us to Winkler to pick up the things I needed to mouseproof and sterilize my house.  I also had a few things to pick up off of a local mom swap/buy page on facebook - C was going to do the directing and I was driving.  As it would turn out directions (even with google maps) are not C's strong point.  We were never lost but we both lost track of the number of times we turned around.  Suburbia is like a maze where all the tunnels look the same :S eek!  Eventually we found all of the places and made our way back to Staples to meet up with C's dad.  (She had something of his that he needed) While I parked the car in the parking lot Paige decided it was as good a time as any to cough up a bit of phlegm and it tickled her throat juuuuuussssst enough to - you guessed it- puke everywhere.  fantastic.  So C got to carry a pukey crying Paige into staples where it was warm while I scraped barf off of the carseat, car, and wiped up as much of the mess as I could.  Nothing quite like seeing your kid's breakfast in reverse. 

But there was shopping to be done and I wasn't going to let a little barf stand in my way.  (Note: If I had been alone I would most definitely have called it quits at this point in the story)  I'm a little braver with my bestie having my back.  However we had a few obstacles to over come... Paige no longer had a jacket (that wasn't stinky and wet) to wear.  The wind was bitterly cold and howling and it was starting to snow.  Improvisation is my middle name so I wrapped her up in my big parka and pretended it was a big game of "Where's Paige?" which she loved so that minimized the tears.  We charged into Dollarama three women on a mission.  It was in Dollarama that we realized Paige had puke on her pants.  Like - all over her pants.  Well lucky for this over prepared mom I had an extra pair of pants in my purse.  Crazy lucky? perhaps.  We changed her pants and lovely Aunt C distracted her with a host of stuffed and sparkly trinkets that a dollar store is full of.  After we had our air tight tupperware paid for and bagged we headed back out to the car and Walmart was our next stop.  We wrapped Paige up in my giant coat (yes I was freezing my tukas off thankyouverymuch) and went in.  Wal mart was much more successful partly due to an apple juice and muffin purchased before we started shopping for the little muchkin.  We wound up getting two carts because her highness doesnt like sitting in the baby seat she likes the big part of the cart.  And dont even THINK of putting stuff in there with her. Some nerve we have!  We collected everything we needed from there and made it to the checkout.  A toddler bed, mousetraps, groceries, plastic tubs and many other miscellaneous items later we looked outside and it was storming.  fantastic.  But such is life.  We unloaded the cart(s) into the trunk picked up some lunch and headed for home. 

*sunshine* We had clear roads and good visibility despite the swirling snow.  It could always, always be worse. 

I'm happy to report that Paige slept in her brand new toddler bed last night and did awesome!  My traps have already caught one mouse and our nicely bleached tupperware is keeping all of our food nice and safe!  After a weekend like that I am so very grateful for the amazing people I am proud to call my friends and family! 

*sunshine* C is still my friend after cleaning up my kids barf and helping me clean and re-organize my whoooole kitchen! Love her!

How was your weekend?  Any exciting adventures?



Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Rude Jude may be imaginary...

Does anybody else ever wonder if something is all in their head?  Other people must - I can't be the only crazy one out there right? Right?

I work full time and have a toddler who goes to day care full time.  She loves it.  She has friends and brings home crafts and babbles for hours about this person and that person and sings songs that she learns from people who work there.  I also am secure in the knowledge that the people looking after her genuinely care about her welfare.  Their job is not just a job - they care.  Which is a good way to feel.  Having said that - life is crazy sometimes and the sand in my timer seems to run just a little faster every so often I will go and get groceries on my lunch hour.  Today was one of those days.

I work at a financial institution and so we have a pretty strict dress code and also get an annual clothing allowance with proof of reciepts.  (A huge perk and bonus considering they could very easily have a strict dress code and not give us that amazing feature.)  Today in particular I was wearing black dress pants, black wedge heels and a patterned blouse with a sweetheart neckline and a cream camisole underneath.  It's a pretty basic outfit - my hair got washed and brushed this morning and that was it.  I have no makeup on today because I fell asleep on my bed after my shower and only woke up at 8:10.  Paige was still sleeping, her lunch was not made - neither of us were dressed and I have to be at work at my desk for 8:30.  It was a RUSH to say the very least.  (Why am I telling you all this you ask? Because its important to the story to know that I did not look great.) 

Having said all that I could swear I was getting dirty looks in the grocery store from other moms with their kids.  Yeah I know that grocery shopping with one or more small people in tow can be a nightmare at its worst and inconveinent and slow at the very least but its not my fault I'm without my kid.  I could feel their looks saying 'Look at that woman she has no idea. Who wears HEELS to the grocery store?!? She must have it so easy'  I assure you fellow shoppers, I do not.  When I am not at work I take my kiddo everywhere with me.  The only time I get a sitter (which is almost always her grandparents on one side or the other) is if it will make her day better to be with them rather than with me.  If I were in the store on a day off or a Saturday I too, would be in sweats or jeans pulling a toddler along, stopping to chase her down the isles, reminding her that no we can not eat the food in the cart until we get home etc.  I even tried giving the 'dirty look givers' that 'I know where you're coming from and I sympathize' apologetic smile but that did not help.

Am I imagining this?  If you saw a woman in a grocery store in dress clothes and high heels would you make assumptions?  Or is this just some kind of mom guilt coming out in yet another strange and confusing way?  Mom guilt is real ya'll - no matter what you do or if you choose to stay home everybody has it.  What to do?  It wasn't just one mom either... which is making me question judgements I've unwittingly made and my own sanity. Urgh.  Is this week over yet?



Friday, November 16, 2012

The mystery of the waking toddler

Paige has been waking up at night.  Like every. single. night. And this momma bear is getting right tired of it.  She is such a good sleeper. She loooooves her sleep - so do I - she comes by it naturally. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why she was waking up for seemingly no reason at all.  Not hungry. Not thirsty. Soother firmly suctioned in place. And yet there I am at 2 and 5 and 6 standing at her crib with her rubbing her eyes and obviously still wanting to sleep but standing up and crying.  It was a mystery.  I tried picking her up and letting her sleep in our bed because ya know when its 2 am and you're tired you don't care what any book by any person says you just want SLEEP.  Or worse when its 5 am and you've yet to go to bed because you were up baking and cleaning until 2 and your munchkin woke up at 3 and refused to sleep until 5 and you know that alarm is set for 6 you kind of want to just curl up in a ball and cry. 

But last night I brought her to bed and my darling daughter turns cuddle time with ma and pa into kick ma and pa in the face. Repeatedly. Not my ideal situation.  I looked at my bed (2 am) - hubby was sprawled out on his half to 3/4 of it and Paige was nicely curled up in what should be MY spot. It looked so peaceful - peaceful enough I considered going downstairs to sleep on the couch - and then the flailing starts.  She kicks and spins and punches the air (or her dad) and rolls like she is going down a hill.  Then her arm will get stuck under her or she will roll right off the bed or any number of things.  At that point (3 am now).  I tried to sleep on my sliver of mattress beside her but I gave up and placed the now back to sleep Paige back into her crib.

My brain still churns for a while after my head hits the pillow no matter what time of day or night it is.  I remembered my mother in law saying that maybe the reason Paige keeps waking up is that she has out grown her crib.  That it could just be she is too big for it and wakes herself up from hitting the sides of it. 

At the time I said 'oh yeah well.. er maybe I guess.'  But in my head said no way when I lay her down at night she looks just right with her little hand and arms tucked under her chest her legs tucked in and her little round bum in the air.  She looks like she fits and she's slept in that crib for her whole life... (minus the newborn stage where she would only sleep on my chest).  But when I laid her down at 3 am and she was all stretched out... well... My mother in law may have solved 'the mystery of the waking toddler' last week already.

It's so hard though! She's only 19 months old! Some kids sleep in their cribs until they're 3!  Plus its not like she's trying to escape or anything.  She likes her crib.  More so, I like her crib.  She's already such a little girl.  Talking in sentences, using pronouns correctly (sometimes), almost potty trained - It's like I barely had a baby.   Does every mom feel this way when big things happen?

Sigh.  My baby is so not a baby anymore.
Time to cheer myself up with cute big girl bedding for her new big girl bed!



Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Christmas and cookies and parties - Oh my!

An invitation!  Oh I am SO excited!  I love Christmas and all things Christmas related.  I could (and do) sing Christmas carols all through the year.  Just ask my toddler who was sung nothing but Christmas carols as an infant and she was born in April… It may have had a little bit to do with those being the only songs I could remember all the words to but whatever.

With regular songs this is me: 

You know the type: I’m driving in my car listening to some tunes and I’m all nah-nah-nAH-nahahhh AND WEEEE ARE NEVER EVER, EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER… aw yeah.  You know the song. 

Back to the topic at hand - Christmas!  I was invited to a bake swap!  I love this idea and have always wanted to be in one.  It’s where you get together with a bunch of other girls (or guys I guess but I don’t know any that bake) and everyone makes a different kind of Christmas cookie.  You make one dozen for each person in attendance so if 10 people come you bake 11 dozen (if you want to keep 1 dozen for yourself) and get to take home 10 different kinds of cookie that you have a dozen of! It’s brilliant!  Also each person includes a little recipe card with their cookies so if you are totally over the moon for them you can make them yourself once you run out.  The lovely lady who has organized it is adding a sort of feel good craft to the party as well.  There will be oodles of sugar cookies at the party that we are going to decorate and then donate said cookies to the Boyne Lodge (an assisted care living facility in our town).  Because the holidays can be a lonely time for some seniors who aren’t able to get out and don’t have family to visit them. 

The big question is – what kind of cookies should I make? 

I’m a little partial to the candy cane/wreath cookies that were always a staple in my house growing up.

You can also pretty easily turn these into wreath cookies just green instead of red food coloring and a circle.  One year I did little licorice bows on my wreaths! Ah-dorable.

But what are your favorite Christmas cookies?  How does one decide?
Help me out friends!



Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Timing is everything

My timing on this ‘little challenge’ I’ve extended to myself may have been a little bit off.  By ‘a little bit off’ I mean ridiculously bad. Not to say I'm giving up - far from it.  Every time I have been in my kitchen looking at any of those tasty treats and I can hear myself reasoning why it would be ok to eat it - I have to literally stop and say no! Isn't that why you're doing this in the first place to get away from that temptation?  Temptation, my friends, is everywhere - but I digress.  A couple of days after I started my hubby got sick.  We all know what a sniveling baby a man can turn into when they get any kind of ailment.  It is super stressful to work full time, be in charge of most things toddler and house related with a ‘so sick I’m just dying’ husband.  When I stress I really, really want to eat.  And eat poorly.  Every item on my off limits list was just calling to me! It really bugged me that I really crave it that badly.  The only thing I did have off of there is a bit of fried food. 

As luck would have it my hubby was not just typical over reacting man sick he was legit feeling awful.  I worked on Saturday and I had my alarm set for 6:30 so that I could get all of my house cleaning and stuff done, shower, get ready and go.  You can imagine my sense of doom when I peeled open my eyes and saw 7:30 on my Iphone.  Also hubby woke up even sicker, like could barely move, so on top of waking up late I now needed to find a last minute babysitter for Paigekins, *can I just say thank GOD for fantastic uncles and aunts for Paige* still needed to shower and get ready, and pack a bag for Paige for the day - can you say STRESS!  I got to work way later than I usually do when I work a Saturday and that just throws off my whole friggin’ day.

 Coincidentally this awful Saturday was the lead into potty training Paige.  She was so ready showing all the signs and I figured if the 3 day training fiesta was a bust I would just shelve it for a couple of months.  So there I was with a husband who could barely lift his head, and a toddler peeing and pooping in and on things plus all of my regular cleaning and housekeeping to do because I had overslept the day before…  Then this morning the hubby (whom I had been telling to go to the hospital for 2 days at this point)  decided I was right and he did in fact need to go in.  (He hadn’t eaten anything in 4 days and his fever was causing him to sweat out absolutely everything he drank)  He was severely dehydrated and has some kind of infection but his fever has finally broken.  He is home now and a little better still pretty sick but hopefully his antibiotics kick in soon. 
It was even less fun trying to potty train from a hospital room buuuut in all fairness Paige did GREAT with the potty! I’m relieved that I wasn’t reading all the signs wrong.  She goes to the potty by herself and as long as she’s naked from the waist down she doesn’t need help.  She gets all excited and runs to me saying PEE IN THE POTTY MOMMY! Over and over – it is adorable and exciting!     

All in all I’m grateful that my hubby is ok and on the mend, I’m amazed at how well Paige is doing with her potty training and I’m glad that I haven’t touched the Jersey Milk bar sitting on my counter (it’s been there for 5 ½ days everybody.  An eternity in a choco-lovers hellish no chocolate challenge.  (I may or may not have smelled it a few times oh-em-geeee did it smell grrrreat)  I’m disappointed in the amount I’ve exercised (virtually nothing) but proud that I’ve really stayed away from the no-eat foods.  Here’s to next week being a better week! I just need to keep reminding myself stress does not have to equal eating … now to just go smell the jersey milk one more time before bed.  Maybe I’ll eat some chocolate in my dreams tonight?  Hey a girl can hope!  



Thursday, November 8, 2012

Blood from a stone, hours from a day...

Day 2 of the 30 day countdown was a partial success. I did not eat any junk (despite the fact that I was surrounded by it) but I did not exercise.  It was a busy day of being up at 6:30am and working straight through the day whether it be at home or at my job until 11:00pm (my day by the way also consisted of waiting for an appointment that showed up 45 minutes late effectively using up my lunch hour, spraying myself from head to toe while doing the dishes, trust me its possible, and papercutting my tounge while licking an envelope - no winners there) and by 11 I was determined I was going to stay up and exercise and do the dishes and sweep the floor and, and, and... fall asleep making my list of things I wanted to get done.  I woke up with a start at 2am and by then it was already technically day 3 so I threw in the towel and set my alarm for 30 minutes earlier than normal so that FOR SURE on day 3 I would exercise in the morning. (I love me a good morning work out - it always makes my day better)  Do you know what life threw at me this morning?  5 minutes after my alarm went off (at 5:30am) my darling daughter also decided to get up.  She NEVER never EVER gets up before me.  She usually wakes up between 7:30 and 8:30 if I don't wake her up sooner for daycare.

There went my super-fantastic-motivating morning workout..

Ugh.  It left me wondering where, oh where can I steal hours from my day for exercise?  If you're thinking that well so what if your 19 month old is awake? Just exercise anyway.  It doesn't happen.  Somehow the exercises aren't as effective when you stop every 5 minutes to help get a toy out from somewhere then get a cup of juice then assist her on and off the couch repeatedly, then change a diaper, then clean up a mess... well you get the idea.  So I went about my morning with an extra 20 + lbs stuck to my leg or pulling at me or pushing me away from the sink (yes she does that when she thinks I ough not be doing dishes) well I did all of my other regular stuff I usually do between 6 and 7:30.  It made for a hectic morning but I did at least chat with my mom for a few minutes and tinkered on facebook so I guess I can't be all that hard up for time.  Oh well tonight I HAVE to workout if I want to make my 5x/week quota and by gum I am going to make that quota!   Okay here goes nothing (pfft day 3 is only half over and its already kicking day 2's sorry butt)



Tuesday, November 6, 2012

30 day countdown

Day 1: Today is the first day of a 30 day countdown I just created.  I figure if I could do 30 days of bedrest when I was in my 3rd trimester I can do 30 days of anything.  We women are just that tough! I have declared today that for 30 days I will not eat any junk food.  Here is my list of No's feel free to suggest any I may have left out:
*Chocolate (aww man.)
*Ice Cream (double boo)
*Deep fried anything

I am also going to make a pledge to myself (and you whoever might be reading this) that I will exercise 5 times per week during this month.  I will document what I do and for how long but I must exercise 5 different times on 5 different days in any given week.

I have alot of lofty goals and the only way to get there is to make small changes and progress only as quickly as I can.  These seem like attainable things to me.  I can do 1 month of anything.  The hope lies in that after that 1 month I will feel so fantastic that I won't have the wants and the cravings for the un-healthy things I crave now.  Not to say that I can't ever have ice cream again - let's face it that would just not work for this gal - but that there are more important things than immediate satisfaction via food. 

I'm hoping by the end of this month I will feel 10 times better. (and lets not kid ourselves LOOK 10 times better!)  I can do this.  For me. For the hubby. For Paige.

And with you lovely folks out there keeping me honest (its just harder to lie in type than it is to lie to yourself in the mirror) it might even be a fun ride!

Bear with me this first week is going to be a toughie!



Monday, November 5, 2012

moving onwards and upwards

I really don't like being disappointed.  Especially when the person I'm disappointed in is me.  I had all these great blog posts 'written' in my head.  So many good intentions. I'll take this time to sum up the last month.

I turned 23 - ugh. I know its not much I know that in 10 years I'll be hating on my 23 year old self for not enjoying it more.  Its hard though when you feel like a hamster on a wheel that never stops turning.  I was driving home from my mom's the other day and the thought crossed my mind.  These are the days every one talks about.  The song 'It won't be like this for long' popped on the radio and I thought oh yeah high school those were the days.  Such an easy life and I had no idea.  Then it dawned on me.. One day I'll want today back.  One day I'll say oh my gosh where did my little girl go?  Being a young mom who also works full time out of the house is exhausting.  Truly. But it is also incredibly rewarding and I know that I am working towards something.  I am building a life with my husband for my daughter.

I was sick for a solid month or longer - I have no idea where the plague came from but it was horrendous.  My meal planning/ house cleaning/ life in general suffered.  I got by on very little sleep for a very long time which has really put my health behind as well.  It never ceases to amaze me how no sleep and oodles of stress pack on the fat.

We had an amazing Thanksgiving weekend with family.  I had a miniature realization that every family in the world has issues.  (I will admit that my own family has a few more than its fair share of them)  But I love them all the same and I can't imagine how boring family gatherings would be without all of the colorful personalities that make up that crazy bunch! I was reminded over the Thanksgiving weekend of just how lucky I am to have such a great family on my side and my hubby's side.  Love them all so much!

Halloween was just here!  My little Paiger dressed up as a penguin!  We didn't really do the trick or treating thing.  We went to mom and dad's for a ghoulish supper of pulled pork spider buns with fixin's.  It was delicious! We visited the hubby's grandma Trudy, the hubby's mom and dad and two of his aunts.  She loved the chocolate (she is a girl after all! :)).  P's favourite part was coming home though.

My puppy who has not been a puppy for some time now turned 7! 7! Whew. When did everybody get so old around here?  She celebrated by having a little visit to mom and dad's.  I missed her like crazy!  Now that Kitten has passed away the house is just too still without at least one furbaby.

The most recent - and potentially most exciting thing around here lately is P making GREAT progress in her potty training.  She pooped in the potty for the first time on Sunday and I was beyond ecstatic! She does pee in the potty pretty good and smarties are a mom's best friend these days.

I can't wait for this coming Sunday - I am off for 3 days in a row and P and I are staying home for the whole time! Just to really get into potty training and have some much needed relax time.  (If I'm even capable of that) 'relax' may be defined as cleaning out closets and organizing 'junk stuff' Oh the joys!   I am however, hoping to make great progress on P's quiet books that I'm working on.  I just need to collect some more fabric, felt, buttons and zippers and whatever else I can turn into a crafy masterpiece!  I have high hopes for these books!  I can feel the creative juices flowing already!  Dollarama, MCC here I come!

I have more stories (mostly my little dahling daughter and her constant dramatics) but I will save those for another post!

Sweet dreams



Monday, October 1, 2012

you could get sick - ICK - real quick - QUICK

      Well it seems that my baby is sick.  I guess I shouldn't really call her a 'baby' considering she's 17 months old   and has been in her terrible two's for a couple of months already.  She is incredibly smart and so full of charisma it continues to boggle my mind!  Perhaps all parents (especially first time parents) feel this way.  We are all a little biased towards our own little wonders! 

I digress... I thought she was car sick yesterday because we were driving in a hilly and topsy turvy area.  When she woke up this morning she seemed fine I took her temperature just to be sure - however, day care called my office at 10:45 saying she has a temperature of 101.  Naturally I packed up my desk and hurried to pick up my pumpkin.  She was asleep on her cot and it just breaks your heart to see them like that.  I wrote a poem for my mom awhile back and I always think of it when my little one has a fever.  Here goes: 

 Old Faithful

That dusty old trunk
Shoved way back in the closet
Full of old blankets
Patiently waiting their turn

The grandma to-be
Digs it out - dusts it off 
And ever so fondly 
Pulls out a favorite

The mother to-be 
Received that dusty old trunk
And thinks,"these are old!"
But washes them all the same 

The brand new baby 
A beautiful little girl 
Wrapped all in roses
With a smile of pearls 

Then, as it happens
Things go awry- baby is sick
The laundry is filthy
And there is no time 

The mother wraps her
In those wise old blankets
So washed and so worn 
Color that was is now gone 

They have been through it all 
With somany children before
They wrap her just right 
And then work some magic 

The fever is gone
Coughs turned to sighs 
The blankets smile warmly
At the mothers surprise 

These blankets have value 
Not in dollars or cents 
But in comfort and love 
That they wrap babies in
paige and old faithful

Take care everybody! 



Friday, September 21, 2012

No bottle? No problem!

Hello all -

I have been thinking about when to take Paige's bottle out of her night time routine for some time now.  She is 17 months old and we have limited her bottle drinking to right before bed only since 11 or 12 months if I remember right.  It was never really that big of a deal.  I didn't even know that kids drank from bottles other than as little babies or at bed time.  Seriously, it didnt dawn on me.  What do I drink from while I'm eating? A cup.  Sooo from the time Paige started solids (4 - 5 months) she drank from a cup at food time.  She only quit nursing at 9 months old and so bottles just didn't really play into our every day.  Bottles were reserved for naps and bed, not consciously though it just kind of happened that way.  Then eventually we cut them out for naps and had only one at bed time. 

Last night she was verrrry tired (that probably played to my favour) and after I set her in her crib she plopped her little head on her pillow and I walked out of the room.  She rolled around and sang to herself for a bit.  She only stood up once looking around and saying Moooom? When I didn't answer and pretended to be asleep she shrugged and lay down.  Zzz boom.  Will tonight be that easy?  I can hope but now that I've gone and told the whole world how good last night was - tonight if the sleep deprivation gnomes are listening will probably be awful.  I honestly think that if I don't exclaim 'Paige do you want your bobble?!?' She might not think of it either.

* fingers crossed everybody*

Happy Friday!


Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Big Grandma

Prelude** So I'm new to this whole blogging thing - not sure if I posted this prior I just meant to save it as a draft lol **

Hello all - Something near and dear to my heart is going on today - it is the nationwide Alzheimer's coffee break.  (

My great grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease when I was quite young 9 or so if I remember correctly and it is a disease that has a profound effect on a family for so many reasons.  Many local business' including my work place are hosting an Alzheimer's coffee break to both raise awareness of the disease and funds for research. Employees are contributing assorted dainties and treats for people of the community to munch on during their coffee break.  I was enthusiastic about whipping up some baking for a good cause - I love baking but don't love what eating too much of it does to my hips!  Then I started thinking while people are sitting there and visiting and eating treats what will they be talking about?  The latest small town gossip perhaps?  The last big story on the evening news?  Those are all fine topics but I wondered if maybe I could make the purpose behind the coffee break come to life a little bit for the coffee breakers, however I didn't want to put a big gloomy cloud over it either.  This is what I came up with to put on a little card in with my dessert.

Alzheimer Awareness
My contribution to today's treats is a delicate strawberry glaze tart.  They are peanut free, homemade from base to top and so beautiful (or at least they were supposed to be :/) they can't possibly be fattening.  I chose to make this particular dessert today because they were my great grandma's favourite and when I was very young she was dianosed with Alzheimer's disease.

This was the woman who had raised up her daughter as a single mother in the 1940's.  This was the same woman who in a time where it was frowned upon for women to work outside the home - bought her own home.  This was the same woman who had babysat me for 8 hours a day from the time I was 2 weeks old until I started school.  This was the same woman who no longer remembered my name.

Alzheimer's disease is very real.  We as a population often joke about it and see it on cards about getting older - but make no mistake Alzheimer's affects families in so many ways.  It has the potential to take someone away from you long before they die.  The serious facts aside, please take a tart or another kind of dainty served up by our staff and enjoy your coffee break!  My grandma would certainly be enjoying hers if she were here!  Please also consider making a donation so that families can get better treatments for their loved ones and keep family memories alive for longer than they could have otherwise.

We appreciate you coming in today!

   My great grandma was lovingly dubbed 'big grandma' very early on in her career as a great grandmother and she relished every minute of it.  I still think of her often even more so since having my own little girl.  She was an incredible example of so many things, independence, balance in life, calm during times of turbulence, humility, a gentle and giving spirit rooted in faith to name just a few.  Its 1:35 am and I have just finished the tarts - they look and smell delicious!  I'm hoping they taste the same!

      I don't really know how to end this post (bear with me I'm hoping I'll get better at this)  but I suppose I'll end it with a short letter to my grandma...

Grandma - I love you, I miss you, I miss sitting at your kitchen and playing with that green plasticine.  I wish you could have met my husband and my daughter.  I wish I could have known you as an adult - I've heard great things from my mom!  Also I am making you a promise.  At the next Alzheimer's walk I am going to run the 5K and every cent I raise will be donated in your name.  I love you big I love you little I love you like a little pig!

There you have it - apologies for the extremely emotional nature of this first post.  Thanks for reading!


~ t